Depression

[BookNerd]

Hey, folks. I'm brand new to the forum, and thought I might dip my toes in a little. That and I wanted to know if anyone else here has problems with recurrent depression

I was diagnosed with MDD when I was 15 years old, and I had the whole shebang - not eating/sleeping, hearing things, withdrawn, didn't talk to people, cutting, etc. Obviously, it wasn't a particularly fun time in my life, but after about two years of therapy and a lot of trial-and-error with medications, I did get back on track. I have continued to take medication ever since, which keeps things pretty well under control; however, it comes back from time to time, and while i feel much better, it often seems as though it never completely goes away. It's been ten years since I was first diagnosed, and in that time I've had about three or four recurrences in which things simply seem to fall apart. Luckily, it has never gotten as bad as it initially had been, but it can be rather inconvenient, as I'm sure you all well know. One particular occurrence had to do with my body no longer responding to the medication I'd been on, and I think high stress has had lot to play in these as well.

These past two years have been particularly rough - there's been a lot of stress, and once last summer I fell apart again. Since then, I've been better, but it still seems to be nagging at me. Even in my really good periods, I still feel a small cloud hanging around, and unfortunately I still have a tendency to focus on the negative, all the while knowing that I shouldn't. And metaphorically kicking myself in the shins for doing so. I can recognize the warning signs, but I can't help but wonder if this is something I'll have to be dealing with for the rest of my life. Cognitive psychology only goes so far, and I don't particularly buy the "if you think you're happy, then you're happy" theory. I am able to see the positives in my life - I'm currently a grad student with a 4.0 grade point average (which I attribute to a monastic lifestyle and lots of coffee), I have a cat that is essentially Dennis the Menace reincarnated in feline form, and while my best friend is several hundred miles away, she still remains the greatest source of support and laughter I've ever had. However, these get more difficult to focus on when you suddenly feel as though you're losing control of you emotions and you don't quite understand why it's happening.

As a woman, I've often heard people blame this on hormones. I blame my sudden chocolate cravings and sudden desires to watch chick flicks on hormones. Blaming recurring depression on hormones seems like a cop out. There has to be a better solution.

I was wondering if there are any more ways I can keep the recurrences to a bare minimum, or, ideally, away for good. I eat healthy, I exercise, my physical health is great, I force myself to work even when I feel I'm too depressed to do anything (I'm extremely stubborn, and I especially refuse to let it interfere with my schoolwork), and I take my medication faithfully. Is this something I'll just have to continue out-stubborn for the rest of my life? I only ask because, sometimes, continually fighting/monitoring/out-stubborning something like depression wears you out after awhile. At times I get confused whether any anger or sadness I feel is normal or an extent of the depression and how to tell the difference. It gets to the point where I simply try to shut emotions down, and aim for a simple, moderate balance. However, being a human being and not a robot or Jedi, this can be very difficult to pull off.

[tulch001]

Booknerd –
It seems you are doing many of the “right” things that help with depression: medication, counseling and exercise are all beneficial, as is keeping a regular schedule and monitoring your sleep habits. However, it sounds like you still experience episodes of breakthrough depression. One possibility is to try different antidepressants. Different meds work differently for different people. Often the first, second or even third antidepressant does not do the trick and then you find a medication that works perfectly for YOU. Your doctor also might suggest taking two antidepressants simultaneously, as the second antidepressant can often “kick start” the first one. However, if you’ve tried several, different antidepressants and still are experiencing recurrent bouts of depression, speak with your doctor about trying a mood stabilizer. Several studies suggest that recurrent depression often turns out to be a milder form of bipolar disorder. Many current medications for bipolar have strong, antidepressant properties and you may find that a mood stabilizer keeps your depression from coming back. It certainly is worth trying something else if your current treatment does not work – and you can always discontinue the mood stabilizer (with your doctor’s assistance) if it does not provide the benefits you seek.